So, that was fast. It's as though Bionic Commando and I hardly knew one another. Yet, we've grown so close during our time together. So close, in fact, that I'm ready to open with THE BAD.
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Too Short: 
I struggle with this because, and Grits will certainly agree with me, that games really should know where to cut things and bring down the length a little. It's hard to know whether Grin could have provided more compelling gameplay, or filler. As it stands, however, the 6 or so hours I got out of the game felt pretty short.
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MY EARS!: Being a long time fan of Mike Patton, I simply cannot bring myself to blame his voice work for this, so don't ask me to. The dialogue in this game sounds like it's between a petulant 16 year old and an authority-mad junior high shop teacher. Almost every bit of dialogue is spit with enough hate to make your average Kotaku commenter jealous, and it all stinks.
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Wait, what?: The story in the game is, if you can get past how edgy it is, not entirely bad. At the end of the game, especially, it take some risks and, if not utterly confusing me, intrigues me a bit. Unfortunately, it seems like there are parts missing. Characters are introduced, but their involvement or motives are never really explained. There's a great deal of dead space, as far as story goes, in the middle of this game. Would have been nice if they'd shined a light in some of the more confusing corners during that time.
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Unsatisfying Collectibles: There are small collectible orbs lying all around the world. So far as I can tell, finding them doesn't seem to do anything. Maybe finding them all unlocks something, but I have no knowledge of this.
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Save Points: There were a noticeable amount of times in the game where I died (look, I don't mind a challenging game) and the game sent me back a bit further than I would have liked. I don't mind re-playing a challenging battle, I'd just rather not be treated to the five minutes of swinging it takes to get to the battle every time.
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Mediocrity: The thing the game suffers from most, is that it just never really grabbed me. I had a decent time with it. The game just felt, top to bottom, like a B- in all areas.
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So, that should give you some clarity as to why to avoid it, now let me know why I was enjoying the game with THE GOOD.
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The Sultan of Swing: Easily the best thing about the game is the swing mechanics. It rarely, if at all, felt awkward at any point, and more often than not felt natural. Grin really should have received more props for what they did in that regard.
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Wait, what?: I like a good B movie, and as bad as the dialogue is, it is entertaining in a Cobra sort of way.
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Mike Patton: Nuff said.
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Mediocrity: Kind of a weak "Good", but the game was better than I thought it was going to be.
So, the FINAL JUDGEMENT passes that Bionic Commando was just "Ok".
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As far as recommendations go, you could do worse. If you're tolerant of mediocre games, and you can get it for cheap like I did, I say go for it. It's a good fill of about 6 hrs and 500, or so Achievement points. I would not, however, recommend you pay anything close to retail for this game. This FINAL JUDGEMENT would have had a quite different tone if I had done so.
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Next up: Looks like Grits is going to do me a solid and pick me up Mass Effect 2 this week as an early birthday present. I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl!!!
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